Saturday, 21 October 2017

Open to Question - Clive Barker

"It's mine, for better or worse." says the softly spoken Barker in this interview from 1987. He is answering a question from an earnest interviewer about the vision of psycho-sexual horrors he conjured up in Hellraiser, released earlier that year.

The interview, below, is a fascinating watch for several reasons. It's a window into the mindset not only of Barker (a floppy-haired, charismatic man who looks a decade younger than he was when this was shot) but also the British public. An audience of very 80s Scottish youths grill the film maker on his 'obsession' with violence and his contribution to the media boogie man of the day - the 'video nasty'. This was a term invented by the press earlier that decade to describe extreme horror movies that were circulating as video tape became a household media. Hellraiser was lumped-in to this category with the likes of Cannibal Ferox and Barker eloquently describes why he feels this is unfair.

Today these questions seems trivial. We live in a world where google will show you anything you want, from real life piranha victims to (probably fake) creepy pasta stories about Russian sleep deprivation experiments. We are in an age of deregulation and and we accept the state having little control over such content.

Another thing of interest is Barker's critique of building figures of horror into anti-heroes. He cites Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street and argues that make Freddie a joker rooted for by the viewing public is damaging. Little did he know that his creation Pinhead would, arguably, become a similar icon. Thanks to Barker's masterful work, Pinhead grew into a spiky poster-boy for the early 90s alt/metal/horror scene. The (pretty abysmal) Hellraiser III even lurched into horror-comedy territory. Hell, I've even got a replica puzzle box in my spare room. I should get a replica Freddie glove to put next to it, just to annoy Barker.

So take a pew and watch this window into the late 80s. In the words of Pinhead, "We have such sights to show you."

Friday, 6 October 2017

Pointy-eared death match

Having cut their teeth fighting toothy bio constructs, my oldskool Harlequins were eager to find new opponents. Hence they jumped at the chance to fight some oldskool Craftworld Eldar owned by the (in)famous Phil Kelly. After a quick trip to Bugman's, Phil and I lined up what must be a couple of kilos of 25 year-old lead and prepared for carnage!

Phil's boney Ulthwé Eldar in all their glory

Before anyone in dance pyjamas hit the ground, I unloaded my special Harlequin dice. Surely these sparkly blighters would do me proud? 'Course they will, old son...

Deployment was a tasty affair as we were fighting on a 4x4 table. Our respective space pixies eyed one another across mere inches of board. Team Weeping Dawn barely kept their pre-show nerves in check as they huddled behind various defences, whispering like excited schoolgirls.

As the intro music swelled all my performers leaped forward. Some awesome moves were busted, but none more so than by Solitaire Mickie Bluecaps who gave precisely no figs and piled across the board into some Banshees. The girls were momentarily stunned by the sight of the luminous twonk bounding towards them, a veritable stripey nightmare. There was much rending of limbs leaving seven dead but Mickie injured too.


Ultra violence erupted in the centre. Several jumpsuits were soiled in fear as a pack of Striking Scorpions emerged behind the main force, and Swooping Hawks descended from the heavens. "Oh rats" thought the Skyweavers as chainswords entered their exhaust ports. At length, the Troupe Master and Shadowseer figured they needed to get their act together, and took down the Scorpions in a bloody-body-popping heartbeat.

Scorpion Surprise!

Entirely unforeseen Swooping Hawks

Phil's Wraithguard proved that being dead made them largely immune to Harlequin antics, and these crunchy puppets waltzed through and entire Troupe. The Troupe Master figured enough was enough, and charged the assailants. The move was short lived as their D-weaponry sent him on his merry way to meet Slaanesh. "Ah, balls" thought the Shadowseer. And he legged it to try and secure an objective.

Surveying all of this was my Death Jester. He was reduced to sniggers at the sight of the Wrathguard scaling his sniper's nest in ungainly, awkward fashion. Seeing lumbering undead constructs climb is pretty funny, until you realise their implacable nature means there's probably only one outcome. And it's not good for you. Which is what happened.

The last turn was a merry-go-round of slaughter. The remaining Banshees met their end at the hands of the Troupe holding an objective, which served them right. My last Skyweaver had his mind exploded as he attempted to ram raid the Farseer's dress. Which served him right.

This elf-on-elf battle was clearly a well-thought-out affair because it's not like the Eldar are a dying race or anything. All in all it was a close-run thing and I won by one Victory Point. Which was slightly baffling as I thought I had lost. I reiterate my belief that Power Values are the best thing ever, leading to very balanced games. And I think the Best In Show goes to Phil's Wraithguard, who took all the shade my Harles could throw at them. Daaaamn, girl!

Thursday, 5 October 2017

More murder clowns

Off the back of their last performance I decided that my Oldhammer Harlequins needed some fancy voodoo to ward off enemy psykers. Hence I painted up a Shadowseer. And a Solitaire just so he wouldn't feel lonely.

The Shadowseer is, in old money, a "High Warlock". Even in this first incarnation of his design he has his most distinctive features - a blank mask and the Mini Grenade Launcher backpack. They decided not to retain his massive bear-claw Power Fist for some reason. His wingman is, and always has been, a Solitaire. Touched by The Laughing God, he's a secretive little beggar and carries one of the Harlequins' signature weapons - the Kiss. While the Shadowseer has mastery over the fickle powers of the Warp, this guy is just nails and decimates opponents by liquefying their insides. Nice.

I've really got into the swing of painting these chaps now and I can knock out a bloke in a couple of sessions to a standard I'm pretty happy with. I pulled out the stops on these guys as they're characters. The Solitaire even has a bit of colour-shift shading going on with some blues worked under his knees to force the lighting. I've developed a technique which helps achieve a bright result overall; work out the colour scheme and paint shade values of each area directly over the bare lead. Citadel Base colours are great for this. Then spray zenith white. Now block in your main colours in mid tones and you'll find the recesses retain some shading. It does require planning but on the light areas in particular it really helps.

I put these guys to a test in a game recently against a rather famous Oldhammer Eldar army. So if you want to know if these guys came in at number one or crashed out of the charts tune in next time!

Saturday, 23 September 2017

Iron within, iron without

I'm sure I'm not alone in having hobby pipe dreams. A true hobbyist has an army planned for pretty much every faction available. In their head. Chaos Space Marines are no exception for me, and I was inspired to try out an Iron Warriors colour scheme. Here is the result:

Keen fans will note the mini is not a Chaos Marine, but a Dark Angel from the Dark Vengeance boxed set. The First Legion are pretty much Chaos Space Marines anyway according to the lore (gasp!), so I didn't feel too bad putting him in heretic's clothes. Secretly he loved it. These push-fit minis are great for testing colours as they're quick to prepare.

I was inspired by two things; the first being this awesome ammunition box. I loved the scratched, dull grey metal with its varying patina. Grey-and-yellow is always a winner for me (as anyone who has seen my Eldar can attest) so I was pretty much sold when I saw this tin.
The other was the work of the excellent Death of a Rubricist. He has a fantastic Heresy-era Iron Warriors collection with a really unique take on the Legion. I love the way he has reinterpreted the hazard chevrons as more heraldic devices. Added to these are tiny battlefield role designations and early-Greek animal silhouettes. Lovely work.

I actually painted this guy grey to begin with, then sponged-on dull silver to complete the base colour. A wash of Nuln Oil added contrast and reduced the shine, allowing me to 'chip' using bright silver applied with a brush.

The result was pretty cool but I'm not sure I'm inspired to do any more. My iron will is clearly failing. This technique benefits minis with larger, cleaner areas. It works well on loyalist or Heresy Marines, but I am not so sure about 40K Chaos Marines who tend to be encrusted with a lot more texture. If I ever sign up to building a skirmish force I might choose Heresy-era Iron Warriors. Failing that, this technique could be really useful for some 'lost' Stormtonnians - questing knights who have spent time in the wilderness. But, as I say, hobby pipe dreams...

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Araby warband

I had cause to dig out an old warband I completed many years ago themed around Araby - the fabled land to the East of the Old World. Their outing was to face off against the excellent Tales from Shyish for a bit of skirmish action. I realised I had never posted the sandy little blighters so here they are in all their glory.

They are based on archetypes from the Arabian Nights - the djinn, the roc, the magic monkey etc. Plus I mixed in a few Crusades tropes like the questing knight and his trusty (if somewhat overburdened) man-at-arms. And an assassin who is, I am sure, following some kind of creed.

They were originally conceived as two factions, hence the red and blue colourways. I think the roc and his rider were supposed to be the joker in the pack who were duel faction. Or something. I seem to remember that the painting method was really simple; airbrush a gradient all over of the mini and pick out any highlights in pure white. Further details follow a strict colourway of brown and either silver or gold depending on allegiance. A big part was to ensure there was no distinction between the base and the mini, so all feel like they're grounded to the terrain on which they stand.

I don't think I was very happy with these guys when I finished them. They languished in a box as penance for their perceived hobby sins. However, now I look back I actually quite like them. It's amazing what a bit of distance does to your work. Here are some shots of the infantry in action against Shyish. They came out trumps, but I was sad the monkey perished early on.

Stupid monkeys.


Saturday, 16 September 2017


The best nostalgic jaunts are those in which one amazing thing leads you to something even more utterly awesome. You hit paydirt and come away smiling with a motherload of goodness. That happened to me recently.

I had cause to look up a few old Marilyn Manson videos from the band's breakthrough Antichrist Superstar album. In the process I re-watched Cryptorchid. It's a low budget but beautiful affair but I always found it the most unsettling of what are, to be frank, a bunch of really quite unnerving videos. Shot on stark black and white high contrast film it smacks of found-footage and feels like a nightmarish fusion of images from Roswell, WWII documentaries and Häxan. It epitomises a kind of low-budget low-fi grand guignol film I remember from the 90s.

A bit if delving revealed that Cryptorchid was shot by an experimental film maker and includes scenes from another work of his - Begotten. And if you thought the music video was terrifying, you really haven't seen anyhing yet. To put it charitably, Elias Merhige's 70 minute feuge is a difficult watch.

This is very much a work about feeling. The deliberately opaque narrative plays second fiddle to haunting, grainy images where mud, blood and bodily fluids all become black splatters amid cadavers contorted by spastic movements. You have an overwhelming sense of being a voyeur in a world that you don't understand. The amorphous, robed, monk-like figures capture the terror of the creature MR James crafted so deftly in Oh, Whistle, and I'll Come to You, My Lad. They limp over a pitted, broken, desolate landscape that could be the Somme. Since we are in the business of nostaligia and memory, it's apt that Begotten evokes the sense of a world we have forgotten - a brutal, mythic dark age captured on vintage equipment and preserved in silver nitrate for discovery in some future era. As the last line in Cryptorchid suggests, perhaps 'the time has come for bitter things'.

The whole thing is available on YouTube and it's below. I must confess I had to also read the plot so I didn't get completely lost.

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

Their only crime was curiosity - the aesthetics of 'Hackers'

The early 90s was an era when the world was not-so tech savvy. Grown ups believed that muggers could get in down your telephone line and computers in movies were almost universally sentient (and evil). That said, Iain Softley's movie about an annoying bunch of teenagers sees them do things with laptops which, even upon its release in 1995, looked pretty improbable. In those days anyone who had actually used a computer knew it was less about cool kids getting up to high jinks set to the beats of techno music, and more putting up with squawking modems and endless load times while your parents moaned at you for hogging the phone line.

For all its absurdity Hackers captures the heady, euphoric promise of the emerging digital world. In it tech is a lifestyle and one that only the youth can comprehend. Its aesthetics bleed into clothing, decor and club spaces. This article in Dazed is a great analysis, and it points out some of the more progressive things about Hackers. Like the fact its positive depiction of a woman in tech. But the author is ultimately more enamoured with the movie than I am (more on that later) so I'll stick to ground she doesn't cover.

The movie's main cast, in all their varied styles. They encapsulate the breadth of youth culture of the time, from baggy streetwear to post-punk-queer, indie and biker styles. This variety is also reflected in the tech the gang use, from then-state-of-the-art laptops to spiral bound, home printed hackers' manuals.

A young Angelina Jolie wears white for much of the movie, looking like a puckish droog. She is a counterpoint to Johnny Lee Miller in his more sombre garb.

Acid Burn, Jolie's character, has a large portrait of the robot Maria, from Metropolis, in her room. This image often frames Jolie, and reinforces her as a woman of the future, who is desirable but unobtainable.

Johnny Lee Miller's character Dade "Zero Cool" Murphey is the the titular hero-on-a-journey. His garb begins as slightly dork-ish (in a sympathetic way) as he stumbles about his new life in New York sniffing after Acid Burn. He quickly morphs into more of a biker-bad-boy replete with reinforced jacket. Interesting touches include his bleached hair (which Miller retained for Trainspotting released a year later) that was a 90s staple for dapper young men.

Dade in dork mode.

Matthew Lillard's character Emmanuel "Cereal Killer" Goldstein gets a varied wardrobe of punk-influenced reconfigured clothing. While Acid Burn has all the latest tech, courtesy of her wealthy mother, Cereal Killer represents the polar opposite - the mend-and-make-do side of hacking where kit is held together by duck tape.

Cereal Killer in his military garb

Acid's laptop - probably a Mac PowerBook Duo 270c with a custom transparent chassis.

Ramon "The Phantom Phreak" Sanchez (Renoly Santiago) was a refreshingly queer character for a youth movie in the mid-90s. His flamboyant animal prints and bright colours reflected a trend for lurid combinations. This is most evident in the solarised computer graphics seen in the movie, like those of the films MacGuffin - the Da Vinci virus.

Phantom Phreak in one of his more monochrome outfits 

 The Da Vinci virus helpfully explains its demands to its victims.

Phantom is not the only queer character in the movie. Razor and Blade are two flamboyant TV presenters who live together, seemingly in a fortified club-cum-TV-studio. Its decor reflects their exotic clobber, including the Mona Lisa wallpaper seen here (another reference to Da Vinci).
Eugene "The Plague" Belford (Fisher Stevens) is the titular bad guy - an ex-hacker now working for a corporation. Just to ensure you don't mistake him for a hero, he's full-on Dracula, with slick, dark hair and an evil goatee. He's an interesting portrait of a rebel grown up, floating about on his skateboard eating candy straws while trust up in some svelt waistcoats and tailored jackets. He channels a youthful Trent Rezner and is far better than Lorraine Bracco. She phones in an abysmal performance as his co-conspirator.  While his garb might be rather goth, he inhabits a slick apartment decked out in chrome and glass, the antithesis of the Cyberdelia club.

The Plague, in his lair.

 The walls of his open-plan flat are engraved with an atom motif, seen repeatedly throughout the movie. Like here:

Cyberdelia is where the hackers hang out and it's a portrait of how grown-ups thought the youth of the 90s spent their time - skateboarding and spray painting things they shouldn't. It's here that Crash challenges Acid to a game of Wipeout. Interestingly the title, by Psygnosis, was only released in 1995, and it's an early beta of the game that's featured in the movie. Psygnosis already had a long and impressive reputation in the industry built on games like Brataccas and it seems only natural that United Artists would have turned to them for material.

Cyberdelia, which is what a 90s club would look like if it were made by a movie studio with lots of money.

Tech becoming central to the cast of late-Gen-X's lives was prescient, but in billing it as a movement or youth cult was pretty off-the-mark. By 1995 tech was fast becoming part of everyday life via the dull silver chassis of all the kit that emerged by the end of the decade. Where Hackers failed (and - let me make this clear - this is in addition to being just a pretty poor movie) The Matrix succeeded a scant four years later. The Wachowskis made the real world look dull and stale, and conceded that a mythological techno-wonderland full of latex-clad models was much more interesting. They hit the zeitgeist in a way that Hackers failed to and history will remember Neo and wonder who the hell Crash Override* was.

*He's the lead in Hackers. That cyberpunk movie from the 90s. No, not the one with Keanu - that was in Johnny Mnemonic, which was also shit.